Finding their way
by TLSShipper
Summary: It wasn't supposed to be anything more than a one-night stand but they got more than they bargained for.
1. Chapter 1

This is completely AU where Tom and Sasha are of the same age. She is an intelligent agent already and they meet in a different way than in the series. This story is M-rated for a reason

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Chapter 1

She has been sitting in the hotel bar for quite some time enjoying her second cocktail and observed the other guests in the room. She chose the chair at the wall where she could see most of the room and needn't to fear an approach from behind. She saw an old couple talking a lot and holding their hands at the table in the right corner. Sasha had to smile at this exchange of affection. She hoped that she will find love someday and would be happy with him when they grow old. But she feared that her job would get in the way. An hour ago she came back from the Pentagon and got her new assignment: Boarding a plane in two days going to Asia where she would spend at least four months in absolutely radio silence and gathering the information they needed. It was her third assignment in a year and she was excited like the first time she had gone to gather information. She could be proud of herself: She was one of the youngest intelligence agents of the Navy, 26 years old and so perfectly skilled in the tasks she got assigned. If she get the new job done to the satisfaction of her bosses she could rise up the career ladder in no time.

But it had cost a lot to get to the position she was now in. First she had to fight with her family over and over again. Had to defend herself why on earth she chose to join the Navy instead of going to law school and became a lawyer like her parents, even getting into their office. After quite some time her parents and her brother accepted her decision and she could concentrate on being accepted to the program of the Navy. When she mastered all her job interviews and got into the program she had to fight for her rights and things in the masculine domain. But now she was on her way to be the best agent they had seen in years and she wouldn't give up the position she had now without a fight. She loved the challenge and the unknown of her job. Being perfect in learning several languages made it easier for her to get her job done. She was lucky to benefit from the many different speaking nannies who had to watch over her and her brother all those years ago. It was easy for her to learn Spanish and Italian when she was a child, she learned Russian at War College but the most difficult language to learn was Chinese. She had to be very careful to pronounce the words correctly, otherwise it would be a totally different meaning and she would get into a lot of trouble.

She was looking forward to this mission but before she had to go she was sitting in a hotel bar looking around to find a last fuck before she'll board the plane. She had to stay focused when she got to China so coupling wouldn't be allowed. When she scanned the room again her eyes lingered on the handsome man at the other end of the bar. Like she, he was sitting in an advantage position, the wall behind him but being able to overlook the whole room. Sasha had to smile. Her eyes roamed over his body. She could see that he worked out, broad shoulders and defined thews on his arms. Her gaze went upwards and when she looked at his face she locked eyes with him. Shining blue eyes were looking at her and she could see a smile forming at the corner of his mouth which caused her to smile in return. His smile went directly into her core and she dropped her eyes to her glass. With one gulp she emptied her glass and stood up and went towards the exit of the bar. Before Sasha reached the door she looked back at him over her shoulder and hoped he would still follow her with his eyes. Locking eyes with him immediately she had to smile. „_Gotcha_".

Tom has been sitting for quite some time at the bar and had chosen his seat wisely. From here he could overlook the room and had never to fear danger from behind. Being a 27 year old Navy officer he learned really quick that this behavior could save his life. And being home in a peaceful environment couldn't stop his survival training.

Tom had an exhausting day and was glad to sit at the bar in peace and enjoying the alcohol and maybe ending this evening with a woman. It would be his last evening having sex and drinking alcohol for a very long time. He came to Washington DC this morning and went straight to the Pentagon and met with one of his superior officers to get his new assignment: Going to the Med on the Pickney for at least six months. He was eager to join the tour after spending too much time at his parent's house after coming back from another tour to Oceania. He loved to be home for some days catching up with his siblings and his mom. But never looking forward to see much of his father. Jed was still a little angry at him that he joint the Navy instead of the Army. But Tom knew that he couldn't join the Army and be in the shadow of his father. Jed expected too much of him, always had, and Tom knew that he never could live up to the expectations. Therefore he joint the Navy and made clear that he had his own will and stubbornness like his father.

The feeling of being observed let his hair stand up at the back of his neck. He raised his eyes and locked them onto very blue shining eyes. He was taken aback when he saw her shining eyes. He had bet they would be brown but he had never expected to see such bright blue eyes. Her black hair even intensified the brightness of the color of her eyes. A smile formed at the corner of his mouth when he realized that he just caught her ogling him up. A smiled formed at her mouth and he saw her drinking her cocktail and standing up. His eyes followed her when she walked out of the room, disappointment washing over him. He hoped to talk to her and maybe they would resume their conversation to a more private room. His eyes still followed her and his heart skipped a beat when she stopped at the doorway and looked over her shoulder at him. Their eyes locked again and a certain anticipation settled inside of him. Before he could react, she went out of his sight. Tom gulped hard „_What the hell_" he thought and stood up following her.

He came just in time to the door to see her vanish into the ladies room. Standing there for some seconds his thoughts battled inside of him. Should he go to his room and forget the beautiful woman he had ogled for quite some time or should he wait till she came out of the restrooms and hoping to get her attention and perhaps more of her? Going back to the bar wasn't an option either. So when he saw the door opening again and getting a glimpse of her blue skirt he strolled towards her.

When she opened the doors again she hoped he had followed her. Being deep in her thoughts she didn't see the arm grabbing her and pushing her against the wall. It happened so fast that she couldn't react at all and the she felt lips crashing down on her own. Her survival training was setting in but she realized in time that it was HE who had grabbed her and she relaxed a little while returning the kiss with the same amount of pressure. His hand went into her hair and came to rest at the back of her neck while his other hand sneaked around her waist and pulled her into his body. Sasha could feel his erection immediately and she let out a soft groan. Her hands left his well defined upper arms and she wrapped them around his neck, pressing her body nearer to his. Tom could feel her hardening nipples against his chest and it took all his willpower to not take her in the middle of the hallway. The moment his lips touched hers and his fingers made contact with her skin his whole body was on fire. His cock stood at attention and he never had been that hard in his whole life. Oh god he wanted her.

When they broke the kiss for much needed air she looked him in the eyes and whispered „Your room or mine?"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

They ended up in her room. As soon as the door closed behind them he pushed her at the wall and captured her lips again. Their hands roamed over the body of the other and when her hand grabbed his cock through his pants he let out a groan. He felt himself get even harder and he couldn't hold back any more. His hands went to the skirt and lifted it up over her waist and pushed her panties down her legs. Sasha's hands fumbled with his zipper and button while he pushed her panties down. Tom took a condom out of his pocket and rolled it over his length as soon as his cock was freed. When he was covered he grabbed her by her ass and plunged into her. Sasha wrapped her legs around his waist so that he could penetrate her even deeper.

"God, you feel so incredible good." He rasped into her ear. "You are so tight."

She squeezed his ass and pulled him nearer towards her body and he was inside of her up to the hilt.

"Deeper." She moaned into his ear "Faster" she demanded and he obliged. Shifting a little bit she felt him hitting the right spot. "God, you feel so good." She breathed out.

One of his hand found its way between their bodies and he kneaded her breast through the fabric of her blouse. He felt her nipple hardened and she let out a soft moan. His mouth explored hers and his tongue dueled with her tongue for dominance. Feeling his climax approaching he didn't want to come without her. His fingers wandered down to her clit and his thumb stroked over the little bundle. "Come for me." He pleaded. Twirling his thumb over her bundle in the same rhythm he thrust into her and drove her over the edge as she shattered into million of pieces taking him with her. He groaned loudly when he found his release and spurted into her. He rested his forehead against her while both of them tried to find their breaths.

After some minutes he pulled out of her and Sasha put her legs down. She felt a little shaky when she had to stand on her own feet. Swaying a little bit Sasha hold onto him for a while, both trying to come down from their highs.

Tom recovered first and got rid of the condom, his shoes and jeans. He looked up from the floor and smirked at her. His smirk on his face went right to her core again and when Tom lifted her up into his arms she wrapped her arms around his neck and he carried her to the bed. He laid her down and began to peel off her clothes. With each revealed piece of her skin his tongue and mouth discovered her body. Her shoes went first to the floor followed by her skirt. He knelt between her legs and he began to open up her blouse button for button. He kissed her exposed skin immediately. When the last button was open he pushed the blouse open and looked at her perfect body.

„You are beautiful," he whispered.

His mouth found hers and they kissed in an excruciatingly slow pace. While kissing her he sneaked his hands behind her back and managed to open her bra. Breaking the kiss he trailed his tongue down her throat towards her collarbone. Nipping and suckling his way further down and taking some piece of her bra into his mouth. His teeth bite into the fabric and he pulled it down from her breasts. He looked at her for a moment and bend his mouth towards one of her breast and licked over the skin. Her response came instantly. A moan escaped her mouth and her back arched from the mattress and she pressed her breast into his mouth. Tom smiled against her skin and then he sucked at her nipple, twirling his tongue around the hardening bud. When her nipple was hard enough he turned his attention towards her other breast and gave her the same attention. After getting her nipple as hard as the other he looked up at her flushed face. Moving his body higher he captured her lips again and kissed her hungrily.

Breaking the kiss after some time he trailed his tongue down towards her breasts again. Only stopping to give both of her nipples a kiss he trailed further down to her belly button. His tongue circled around it for some seconds and then trailed over her stomach down to the place she wanted him most. His hands pushed her hips down on the mattress and he looked up at her. Seeing his unspoken question Sasha nodded her head slightly and he smiled at her mischievous. His eyes never left hers when his tongue darted out and licked over her folds. Both of them groaned at the sensation flowing through them. Wetness went straight to her core when she felt him lick over her folds.

„You are so wet for me" he rasped and lapped again at her entrance. „You taste so good, do you know that?" he asked but never waited for her answer as his tongue pushed inside of her. She gasped at the sensation his tongue did to her. Her hands came down towards his head and when she felt his hair under her fingers she trailed them through his hair, resting her hand at the back of his head and pulling him towards her. She felt him smile against her and she wanted to say something smart but his tongue licked over her clit and one of his fingers pushed into her that all her thoughts went out of her mind and she concentrated only on him and his talented tongue and fingers.

He growled when his tongue sucked at her clit and he pushed a second finger into her. Pumping them in and out of her before he added a third finger while his mouth was still working on her clit. Curling his fingers in her he hit the right spot inside of her and he sucked harder at her clit, pumping harder and faster into her. Her hips pushed up on her own. She was so close, so close. His fingers working her and his tongue licked and sucked at her bundle. When his other hand found her breast and began to pinch her nipple her head shot up from the pillow and she was looking down at him. The sight she saw made her want him even more. He looked up from his ministrations but never stopping what he was doing. They locked eyes and she could feel her orgasm coming nearer and nearer.

He could tell that she was at the edge of coming and he fastened his thrusts and curled his fingers even more, sucking at her clit with more force he felt her fluttering around his fingers.

When Sasha felt his movements increase she groaned loud out pushing towards his face and then her orgasm hit her hard. His tongue never left her until her waves of pleasure slowed down. Her head fell back on the bed and she panted heavily. When he let go of her she groaned again and lifted her head to look at him. His mouth was wet from her juices and when he lifted his hand towards his mouth and licked his fingers clean from her arousal she groaned again and her head fell back again.

„You taste so good." He said to her while his mouth was only inches away from her and he bend down and kissed her. She could taste herself on his tongue and her arms went around his still clothed torso, her legs tightened around his waist and she rolled him over onto his back surprising him with the movement.

She smiled down at him „You know... You are so overdressed." she said and began to unbutton his shirt. Like he did before, she licked and kissed the new revealed skin and when she had opened the last button of his shirt she got rid of the fabric and throw it onto the floor. Sasha looked down at his gorgeous body. She assumed that he worked out only seeing him in a shirt but now without any clothes at all, he was like a god. She trailed her fingers from his hands up over his strong and muscular arms leaving goosebumps behind. She smiled at his reaction but then her fingers roamed over his well defined chest. It was broad like the one rowers have. Her thumbs circled around his nipples and he let out a soft moan. His eyes fell shut and Sasha had to smile again. When his nipples were hard she trailed her fingers further down to his stomach and she could feel and see his muscles responding to her ministrations.

„God, do you know how gorgeous you are?"

His eyes shoot open and he could see her sincerity. He chuckled a little bit and said „I wish to please."

They smiled at each other and then she captured his lips. His arms went around her body and he deepened the kiss. Sasha broke it and trailed her mouth down his throat towards his chest and she sucked and twirled her tongue around his nipples. When both of them were hard she continued her journey down to his belly button and circled her tongue around it. His muscles responded to her touch and she could feel them flexing underneath her. Her tongue darted out and pushed into his belly button. Staying there for not long she followed his happy trail down to the main prize.

He held his breath since she moved from his stomach down where he wanted her most. He could feel her breath ghosting over his cock but she didn't move. He lifted his head a little and looked down at her.

„What's wrong?" he asked her. When he saw her falter he added in a soft voice „You don't have to do this." and was in the way to lift her up on his body when she spoke „But I want to."

She smiled up at him never breaking eye contact when she licked at his tip before her mouth took him in. Looking down at her seeing her licking his cock was a very erotic sight. Tom had trouble to not come there and then. He loved to be touched by a woman with her mouth wrapped around his cock. He could tell that this gorgeous woman before him wasn't that experienced in comparison to the women he had before her, but hell she got a very talented mouth. She was working him perfectly, knowing instinctively what he liked. She licked and sucked at his turgit shaft and her head went forth and back. His head hit the mattress at some point. He was enjoying her ministrations but when she wrapped her fingers around him to a tight ring and sucked at him his head shot up again. He reached down at her and pulled her up. He needed to be inside of her again. He rolled them over and grabbed another condom from the nightstand. After wrapping it over his shaft he spread her legs wider and with one swift move he was inside of her again. Both moaning at the sensation by filling her. He thrusts into her until she gained her confidence back and she rolled them over, straddling him and riding him wild until they both fall over the edge. She collapsed on top of him and his right hand began to caressed her spine.

Sasha's head laid on his shoulder and when she caught her breath again she lifted it and asked „I don't even know your name."

„Tom." He answered immediately and she knew right then that it was his given name, not a fake name she got sometimes from her one-night stands.

He chuckled then „I don't know your name either."

She decided that when he was honest with her that she'll be honest with him and she replied „Sasha."

His smiled widened „Sasha, it's nice to meet you."


	3. Chapter 3

Happy Halloween. Thank you all for reading this story. This will be the last M-rated Chapter for quite some time. So enjoy.

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Chapter 3

Tom woke up in the middle of the night, still holding her in his arms. He never stayed or cuddle with his sex partners. He always left when the sex was over. But with her it was different. This siren in his arms had caught his eyes the moment he laid eyes on her. He observed her the whole evening and when she signaled him that she might be interested he didn't hesitate. He followed her and my god the sex was terrific. He had lost count of the numbers of women he'd slept with a long time ago but not one of them had been like her. He never experienced this connection with another woman before. But he told himself that it was only a one-night stand anyway. He had to leave tomorrow to Norfolk and be away for at least six months. He couldn't ask her to wait for him. He should stand up and go now. It would only be more complicated in the morning when he had to leave her. So he should really stand up and grab his things and leave because he would never see her again and she would just be another woman on his list.

But then he made the mistake by looking down at her again. Her tousled hair spread over the pillow and the sheet barely covered her breast. He gulped hard, he couldn't leave. He had to have her one last time. Therefore he slid under the sheet and settled between her legs. He wanted to taste her again and he flicked his tongue over her clit. Instantly he felt her move against his mouth and his tongue thrust into her. He felt her moving her hips towards him and her hands slid down into his hair. It was the clue for him to go after the prize. His mouth, tongue and fingers worked her hard and within minutes he pushed her over the edge.

Pulling the sheet away he crawled up her body, reaching for another condom on the nightstand and ripped the foil open with his teeth. After sliding the condom over his cock he positioned himself at her entrance and looked down on her. A thought crossed his mind and without thinking about it he pleaded. "Open your eyes." When Sasha obeyed he sank into her inch for inch in an overwhelming slow move. "God, you feel so incredible good wrapped around me." he whispered.

Sasha licked her lips and her hands reached for his arms to hold onto him as if her life depended on him. The moment their eyes locked he kept the pace slow watching her and trying to remember every small detail her face revealed. The way her eyes widened when he changed the angle of his thrusts or the way her legs tightened around his waist as she got closer and closer to her release. Her mouth fell open and she let out a soft moan when her orgasm hit her hard. Her eyes fell shut and she arched her back from the mattress while he kept thrusting into her and following her into oblivion.

His arms couldn't carry his weight any more and he crashed down on her, breathing hard. "What are you doing to me, Sasha?" he whispered. Her hands wrapped around his torso and she began to stroke her fingers up and down his back. After a while Tom shifted and took her into his arms. His right arm sneaked around her waist and he pressed his chest against her back. He sight inwardly. This was supposed to be a one time thing to have a last good fuck before he deployed but he was nowhere near to let her go. He closed his eyes again, enjoying the cuddling and her naked body pressed against his.

This had been the most amazing night of her life and … it could never happen again. She was supposed to leave the country in a day and had to stay off the line for the next four month or even longer. How on earth could she tell him to wait for her or even tell him her profession? No she couldn't do this. This was insane. What did she do?

Her heart was still hammering in her chest, the blood rushing in her ears. But then she felt his arms tightening around her and he pressed her against his chest holding her tight. Sasha felt save for the first time in her adult life and she began to relax more and more, falling into sleep with a smile on her face.

He looked down at her, still sleeping peacefully after he slipped out of the bed carefully to not wake her up. His fingers were itching to smooth her hair back, to trail along her skin. He felt the urge to wake her up like some hours before with his head between her legs. Suppressing a groan he forced himself to turn around and walk out of the room whispering "Good bye beautiful."

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He was gone when she woke up the next morning and Sasha felt relieved, though a part of her was disappointed that he didn't stay. This night had been insane. Insane in every aspect. She knew that it was over. Even if she wanted to she would never see him again. But she would probably never forget this night. Tom had turned her world upside down in only one night. As she shifted she felt her thigh muscles protest against the movement, not to mention other muscles which had been used so many times in the night and had contracted around him. God, he felt so incredible good inside of her. She never experienced this intense feeling before. All the men before him vanished in comparison to him. How on earth does she manage to get him out of her head? She wanted to have fun for her last night in the States but she got so much more. He gave her mind blowing orgasms and he cherished every part of her body, making sure she'd come before him. Some of her one-night stands didn't have had such an attitude. But Tom… He made her feel safe and be only Sasha without her walls and masks she had to put on to survive in the manhood of her profession. She built a lot of walls around herself, not only a wall around her heart. She couldn't afford to be vulnerable. Love or even a relationship would weak her in doing her job. It could be compromised when someone would find out her weak spot. So she came to terms that she couldn't allow herself to fall in love with someone. Therefore she sought out one-night stands without boundaries. She didn't allow herself of feelings and it worked out well for her – until she met him.

Images of him floating into her mind. His hands and mouth roaming over her whole body, the pleasure she was feeling when he was inside of her. And then his eyes flashed into her mind. These damn ocean blue eyes where she could get lost in. The last time he touched her he made her looking into his eyes till the end. It was so intimate to look at him. She tried to remember every small detail of his face. The color of his eyes seemed to change from a bright ocean blue to a dark one the more he got aroused. A line formed on is forehead when he concentrated on bringing her further to the edge. His mouth twitched a little when his orgasm hit him and he shut his eyes for some seconds. When he opened them again they were bright again and she could see right through him and the epiphany hit her hard. Love and tenderness shining from his eyes and she asked herself if these things were shining in her eyes too.

She shook her head and stood up. "Get a grip, Benning, love wasn't involved tonight and it will never happen until you'll give up your job. And that is something you won't do." She told herself and walked to the bathroom to get ready to leave.

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**Eight weeks later**

He looked up at her, her body rocking above him and she leaned in to kiss him. He steadied her while putting his hands on her hips. Guiding her up and down. They moaned both in pleasure and he could feel his orgasm rising inside of him. Their kisses got more demanding, their moans grow louder, the rhythm of their thrusts increased and with a soft moan they both came hard, riding their release out.

Tom woke up in his bed. He looked disorientated around, realizing that she wasn't at his side, only himself sitting in his quarter on the Pickney. He gulped hard when he realized that it was just a dream. A dream he was dreaming since the night he followed a black haired siren into her hotel room and got lost in her for the night. Well, it wasn't only dreams of different kind of lovemaking, there were also dreams of them talking together, laughing together. He shook his head, after two months he still wasn't able to get her out of his mind. The things he felt when he was with her left him wanting more, arching for her touch. His hand ran over his face and he looked down at his throbbing erection. Glad to have the quarter for himself and not sharing it with another officer he knew that he had to take matters into his own hands when he wanted to get back to sleep. Sleep he desperately needed. He had a demanding job to do here in the Med. He wrapped his hand around his cock and worked himself while thinking about the only woman who crept under his skin.

* * *

Sasha pressed her head against the toilet seat trying to suppress the urge to throw up again. After coming to China eight weeks ago her life went into a roller coaster. The first two weeks had been really stressful to get acquainted with the new city and the behavior of the people. But after finding a room to live and get to know some people life went well. She blamed the jet leg and the new environment for feeling unwell and tired. But after throwing up the third day in a row after waking up made her suspicious. It couldn't be. It was impossible. They used always a condom and she was on the pill. What were the odds that both failed?

This was a nightmare. She knew nothing about him only his given name. She was late and she just threw up into the toilet the moment she woke up. She prayed that she'd just caught the stomach flu and that she was late because of the stress she'd been in lately. Destiny couldn't be so cruel. She couldn't be pregnant from a complete stranger after spending only one night with him. It was impossible. How on earth could she continue her job when she was pregnant? All she'd fight for would slip through her fingers when she planned on keeping this child. She couldn't give up her dream, and she promised herself a long time ago that she wouldn't do it for a man or a child.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Five months later**

"Still thinking about that girl?" Mike Slattery asked.

Tom looked up at his best friend. Mike was a police officer before he changed his career and joined the Navy. They met in Tom's last year at the Academy. Although Mike was a year under him they hit it off. Since then their friendship never faltered. They kept in touch with each other and every time they were on shore they would meet and catch up on their lives. So it wasn't a surprise that Tom had told him about Sasha. Tom sighed "Yeah, I do." and looked away again.

"Then try to find her."

"How on earth can I do it? I only know her given name and I'm not sure if she told me the truth, Mike." Tom argued.

"I don't really know how to do it, but Tom … I never saw you this messed up because of a girl. Never, ever." Mike shook his head. They really knew each other for some years now and he never saw his friend in such an emotional stress. When they went off to party around, Tom got always attention and never left the party without a girl at his hand. When he met him the next day, Tom reacted as normal as usual. Mike never saw him with the same girl a second time around. But after Tom got back from Washington D.C. five months ago Mike knew that something happened back then. He never saw his friend in such a distressed mood. First Mike thought that something happened to his family but Tom only shook his head and after a while he talked about the night he spend with a girl named Sasha. Listening to his friend talking about that girl, Mike knew instinctively that she was something special. She was the first woman who got his friend shaken up. Hell, he wished he could see her. He would give her an award for doing this to Tom. "Perhaps you can go back to that hotel the next time you are in Washington and hope to find her there." He suggested.

"You think she's a hooker?" Tom asked angry.

Mike held up his hands "No! No of course not."

"Good. Because she wasn't one." Tom stated. "She was just a random girl I came across." He said determined and walked towards CIC to start his shift and leaving Slattery in the wardroom.

"I don't think so." Mike thought.

* * *

She was back from her mission just a week ago and had to attend to meetings after meetings, giving reports and getting questioned about her mission. As the days flowed by her tension got lesser and she had to think about her future. Her bosses weren't fond of her personally situation but they couldn't do anything about it. She had chosen to keep the baby after seeing it at her ultrasound. Seeing the heartbeat of this innocent little peanut she couldn't terminate its life. Even when it meant that she had to give up her dream job or raising the baby alone without the father. Because she damn knew only his given name and nothing else. "Damn it!" She thought. She was pulled out of her thoughts when someone talked to her.

"Sorry, I'm late." Azima said while plopping into the booths at their favorite diner. "Got caught in traffic." She said and looked at her friend.

"No problem." Sasha smiled at her.

"Oh oh, I know the look. Something happened in Asia?" Azima said. "Spill."

"There is nothing to spill." Sasha replied annoyed.

"Oh there is. What's wrong?"

Sasha looked down for a moment and when she looked at her friend she rubbed her belly unconsciously. Azima noticed her hand on her belly and said with wide eyes "NO fucking WAY. You're pregnant?"

Sasha looked with huge eyes at her friend and asked herself for the umpteen time if she made the right decision back then. But then she felt the urge to defend herself and this little peanut. "YES, I'm pregnant." she replied. "And before you ask, I don't know the father."

"What do you mean, you don't know the father?" Azima asked bewildered. "At some point you knew him, otherwise there wouldn't be a baby. So tell me everything."

And Sasha told her about the night she went to the hotel bar and took a very handsome, gorgeous man to bed. She told her everything and Azima could see that this man had crept under her skin only by listening to her friend. She asked herself if Sasha was aware that she fell in love with him.

"So the sex was incredible?" She asked her friend hoping to get the reaction she hoped for.

"Yes, Azima, the sex was fantastic. You can't imagine how fantastic the sex was." Sasha beamed at her.

"Then why aren't you telling him that he will become a father in the nearby future?"

"What did you not get? I only know his first name and nothing else." Sasha said exasperated.

"Well, perhaps you can go back to that hotel and hope to find him there." She suggested.

"You think he's a hooker?" Sasha asked her.

Azima held up her hands "No! No of course not."

"Good. Because he wasn't one." Sasha stated. "He was just a random guy I came across." She said determined and stood up. "I need to go. I have an appointment."

"I don't think so." Azima thought.

* * *

**Nine months later in the Middle East**

"We have to get out of here." Tom yelled at his teammates and scanned their escape route. He was sent to the Middle East some weeks ago to join a mission of peace. Unfortunately the rebels didn't know it. Tom and his team were closed in by the rebels and it didn't look good for him. "I suggest we take this path to get back to the ship." He stated when a grenade exploded nearby. He felt pain in his leg and then his vision blackened.

* * *

**Washington D.C.**

"Aargh" Sasha screamed as a contraction shook her body.

"You can do it, honey." Her mother said to her.

"No, no I can't do it. It hurts so much" Sasha shook her head.

"Of course you can do it. Just think about the moment you will take your son into your arms." Annabel said in a sweet tone. As angry as she was when she learned that her only daughter had been knocked up by a one-night stand she couldn't be angry at her now. Her daughter needed her now and secretly she was excited to meet her grandchild, a boy she learned recently.

* * *

**in the Middle East**

"Get him back to the ship now." Someone shouted over the gun fire. "Otherwise we will lose him."

Tom has been transported to the chopper and they took off immediately. As soon as they landed on deck he was wheeled into sick back. He got in and out of consciousness and he heard the doctor yell "I need a hand here. We need to operate otherwise we will loose him." Before his vision went black again.

* * *

**Washington D.C**

"Sasha," her doctor addressed her. "You and your little boy are in stress right now. He doesn't get the amount of oxygen he needs. We have to move fast and make a c-section to get him out of you."

Sasha looked at her doctor in disbelief. This shouldn't be happening. After all she gave up she shouldn't loose her child after all this time. "I… I don't want to have a c-section."

"Honey," her mother took her hand in hers. "Your boy is stressed and the longer he is stressed the more complications will rise. I know you are afraid, but this is the only chance to save his live, sweetie." Her mother stroke over her hair and Sasha closed her eyes for one moment. When she opened them everyone could see the change in her – her strength.

"Okay, let's do it."

* * *

**in the Middle East**

In sickbay the doctor was working hard to rescue one of their officers. They could stop the bleeding and fix his leg. When he closed the last stitch Tom's heart crashed.

"Charge to 200" the doctor yelled and slammed the defibrillator to his heart. But there was no improvement as the constant beep continued. "300." When he could crash the defibrillator again Tom's body shook up from the electric shock but there wasn't a rhythmic beeping but only the constant beep of a flatline.

* * *

**Washington D.C**

A cry filled the room "It's a boy." The doctor announced. "What is his name?"

"Killian Thomas Benning." Sasha said a little emotional.

"Well, welcome little Killian." The nurse said and laid him on Sasha's chest.


	5. Chapter 5

The timedates are always counted from the day Tom and Sasha met. I hope it is not confusing

* * *

Chapter 5

**21 months**** later **

"Happy birthday, son." Caroline Chandler said to her oldest son and gave him a thick smooch onto his cheeks.

Tom pulled away from his mother "It's not my birthday, mom." He said annoyed.

"It is for me, Tom" she replied sternly "You almost died a year ago."

Tom sighed "I know mom, but I'm here now and everything is okay. So don't make a fuss about what happened a year ago."

"But..."

"No, mom!" Tom interrupted her. "I was injured a year back and I survived the attack on our team. I had luck, others didn't. That's all to it."

"I know that Tom. But we were so worried about you and I swore that day when I heard about your accident and that you survived that injury that I will always be grateful that you are here with us." Caroline's voice broke a little.

"I know" He whispered. He looked at her torn form and hugged her. He knew that his mother of all his family members suffered the most. His heart crashed multiple times in the OR and the doctors told them that they almost gave up on him. But then out of the blue his heartbeat got stronger. They told him that it was like a miracle that his brain hadn't had any damage and that his recovery went so well. Sure it was hard to get back on his feet and it had cost a lot. A year full of hard work with his physiotherapist. At the beginning he made only tiny baby steps but then he build up thews little by little and he got stronger more and more.

He was in the hospital for over three months after they flew him out from the Middle East to Germany and then home to the USA. At some point he got frustrated. Everyone and everything got onto his nerves. He wasn't used to that his body didn't do the things he wanted to do. He wasn't used to be at the mercy of some doctors and hospital staff. He wasn't used to sit in a bed and do nothing. His family had been there for him the whole time but it wasn't easy for him to be that weak. His siblings visited a lot, his mother was at his side almost every day and even his father came by as much as he could. Before the incident they had their ups and downs and he really hadn't that loving connection with his father for a long time. But it seemed that his injury turned their relationship in a positive way. Where Jed would have been angry at his son in some situations before the accident he wasn't after. The accident and the fear of loosing him brought a soft side out of his father and Tom had to admit that he loved this side of him. He remembered this side of his father when he was a young boy, but when Tom grow older Jed demanded more and more from his son and lost the soft side. But now Jed talked to him a lot and they did a lot together. Watching games on TV or hiking in the surrounding woods. Tom had the impression that Jed only hiked with him to make him stronger and that his leg got back his full mobility. Tom was grateful that the accident brought them closer and he enjoyed spending time with Jed.

* * *

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Killian, happy birthday to you." Killian's family sang wholeheartedly, Sasha beamed at her little son who sat in his high chair and smiled at her. With his blond hair and blue eyes - **his** blue eyes - and that adorable smile he looked more and more like his father.

"Happy birthday, peanut," she said to him and kissed him on his forehead. His little hand came onto her cheek and he giggled at her. Sasha was so happy about her little man. It was a shock when she found out about being pregnant and she hadn't have the intention of keeping her child. But after seeing the dot, a shape like a peanut, on the ultrasound she couldn't get rid of him. She decided to take the risk of being a single mom, despite of giving up her professional career. It was hard to say fare well but since she decided to keep him she looked forward to meet her son. He wasn't due till two weeks later but he decided he had enough of being inside of her. Sasha learned right early that Killian had inherited her stubbornness. The first weeks with Killian were hard for her. He needed her the whole time. Every two to three hours he started to cry and she had to nurse him. She didn't get much sleep at that time, being alone all the time. But she was strong and she got through the tough time.

Sasha looked around at the rest of the birthday party and she had to smile. Her parents were so angry at her after she decided to join the Navy and being an intelligence agent. But since she told them about her pregnancy their behavior towards her changed. Her mother called a lot during the pregnancy and Sasha could tell that she really cared about her and her child. It was the reason why Sasha wanted Annabel at her side when she got into labor. At the end of the day it was important for Sasha to have a supporting person by her side. Sasha hoped that she would have had her husband or partner at her side when she went into labor but this dream was something that will always be a dream. She hoped so much to find Tom at some point into her pregnancy. She even went to the hotel some times in hope to find him there. But every time she was more disappointed and at some point she decided to let him go. But it was harder than she imagined. She often dreamed about Tom. Some dreams were about them seeing each other again, declaring their love for one another, in other dreams they made love, in others they just walked at the beach and talked. And when little Killian was born she knew instinctively that he would look like his father the older he got. And she was right. Even if she wanted to forget Tom, it was impossible for her to do. Because she looked every day into his eyes and face.

A loud giggle brought her back to the birthday party. Her father John made funny faces at her son and Killian couldn't get enough of it. She loved this side of her father. A side she didn't know he had in himself. She never ever saw him do silly faces or being so relaxed. It was only when he was holding Killian in his arms. Her pregnancy and the birth of Killian brought her nearer to her family and she was so thankful for this gift. A gift she wanted to share so desperately with the father of her child.

"So when do you have to be back to the Academy?" Azima brought her out of her thoughts.

Sasha looked startled at her friend. "Holidays are over so next week."

"You looking forward to it?"

"Yeah," Sasha beamed at her friend. "I'm glad I can get back to work. As nice as it was spending some time with my parents I'm looking forward to be back at work and do something I love to do."

"Teaching cadets and enlisted?"

"Well, I was one of them at some point and now I can teach them to become a badass agent like I was."

"You're still a badass agent." Azima stated.

Sasha snorted "Tell that my bosses. They looked so disappointed at me when I told them I was pregnant. They let me fall like a hot potato."

"But you will show them that you can still be the best agent they had in years."

"I hope so." Sasha said and hugged her friend. "And you, what is next on your list?"

"Well, I don't know exactly. I have an appointment with command at monday and I think I'll get my new assignment."

* * *

**24 months ****later**

"You looking forward to meet the golden boy?" Azima asked Sasha who was aiming her gun towards the training ground.

"Nah, not really."

"I heard that he is very handsome, you know. Perhaps ..." Azima trailed off.

Sasha looked up from her gun and fixated Azima with a raised brow "Perhaps?"

Azima cleared her throat "Perhaps ... look Sasha ... I know you love Killian and I know that you never let go of his father so ... perhaps... this Thomas Chandler will sweep you off your feet and you learn to live your life again."

Sasha looked at her friend like she grow two heads. "Come again?"

"Sasha, all I want to say is that you have to look for other men and get on with your life. You can't live in the past where a stranger impregnated you and you thinking about him all the time. Go out, meet other men, and fell in love with one of them."

"May I remind you that I have Killian to consider? He is the most precious thing in my life and he comes first. I don't need a man to be happy."

"Oh come on Sasha. When was the last time you had fun? And I don't mean the item with a battery. When had you a real cock inside you?"

"I don't talk about that with you." Sasha said angry and put back the gun.

"Sasha, please." Azima pleaded. „I just want you to think about it. And perhaps this golden boy can give you some pleasure for some hours. I heard he is quite the ladies guy."

"Yeah, and you think I would get involved with a man who might have at least one girl in every port?" Sasha said and left leaving her friend at the training range.

* * *

He couldn't believe he was back at the Academy after all this time. Sometimes he couldn't believe he was still alive. But it was a long and hard way of convalescence. When he got out of the hospital he began his recovery. Going into rehab and trying to learn to walk again. After months of torture he could walk some distance but got tired early. But he wasn't someone who gave up that easily. He was strong headed otherwise he wouldn't be in the shape he was in now. He recovered 95% of his mobility back and with the time here in Annapolis he could get the last 5% back, then getting his clearance and then going back on a ship. Preferably as XO. He wanted to rise in rank as soon as possible and make it to captain in his early thirties. He always dreamed about to rise in ranks early.

On his way to Annapolis he stopped at "their" hotel hoping to find her there. But as so often he left the bar alone. Why was it that this black haired siren had gotten under his skin? Why couldn't he forget her? Every time he tried to forget her with another woman he found more and more excuses to not be with the one in his arm: wrong hair color, wrong kissing. He gave up at some point and never tried to look for a substitute. It was the longest period of not having sex he experienced, but he could live it. And to be honest, he didn't know how people would react when they saw his scars. At the beginning of his recovery the scars were dark red, big and swollen, but with time they faded and it was only a light red/white line. But he knew he*ll always see them. So perhaps it was better for him to concentrate on his career and getting back to active duty than taking any woman into his bed.

Sighing again he looked up at the administration building in front of him. He was grateful that command didn't give up on him. They gave him time to recover fully and hopefully he could get back on a ship. He loved the sea and the order on a ship. It was something he always wanted.

He was looking forward to meet his colleagues. And especially meeting Alexandra Benning. He was surprised to hear that she taught at the Academy and not being out in the hot zones, but perhaps she had her reasons to stay in the safety of the Academy. He heard a lot about her on his last missions. She was a badass agent, got all the intel they needed. According to his teaching schedule they had at least two classes together.

Taking to steps at the time he rushed forward to meet with the head of the Academy, Admiral Johnston.


	6. Chapter 6

Here I am again. Sorry for the delay. I don't know much about the American school and University system, so please don't be mad at me when I get this wrong.

Thank you for all the reviews and follows. I really appreciate it.

* * *

Chapter 6

„Ah Tom" Admiral Johnston greeted him. "So good to see you. How are you?" He asked Tom and gestured him to sit down.

"I'm fine, Sir." Tom replied. "Thank you for having me."

"Oh, no such fuss, Tom. I'm really happy I could get you as a teacher. You were one of the best here. I'm looking forward to see you teach for the next semester." And gesturing towards his leg "And take all the time you need to recover."

"Thank you, Sir. I do hope I'm back at 100% in some weeks."

Admiral Johnston sighed "As much as I appreciate it, take it slow, son. You're lucky to be alive and with that injury it is almost a miracle you can use your leg. So take your time. At the end of the semester we will see where you are and what options lay ahead of you." He held out a hand when he saw that Tom wanted to protest. "And believe me, the Navy and the ships are still out there when you recovered. And command won't forget you over the year." He paused again and looked at him for some seconds. "I've read your file, Tom. You are very talented and believe me, if command wouldn't see the things they are seeing in you, you wouldn't be here. They would have given you up in a heartbeat. So, take your time and do your job. The rest is my job to get you to the position you deserve."

Tom looked at him in disbelieve and let out the breath he'd been holding. "Thank you, Sir."

"That's okay, son. So tell me, you're excited to teach some sense into the new lads?" Admiral Johnston asked with a smile on his face.

* * *

Sasha was looking forward to meet her new colleague, of course not the way Azima thought. It was all professionally, because she heard a lot about him. Graduated at the young age of 21 and being one of the best students the Academy had seen so far. He had an occupational career and made it to Lieutenant Commander in no time and was about to get a promotion to Commander in the near future. He would have been one of the youngest Commander in the Navy so far. Unfortunately he got injured while on a mission of peace in the Middle East.

Sasha had been the contact to his team at the time but never got in touch with him. At seven months pregnant she was ordered back to the States. She left with a bad feeling because she had some thoughts about the other naval intelligence officer who replaced her. There was something about him she didn't trust and to her horror the information he got to the boys were false and it lead them to the trap where Tom Chandler almost lost his life. She hoped that he never found out about her involvement in that mission. It was a miracle for her that he survived his injury and that he could use his leg. She thought that after such an injury he had to retire and take another occupation but to her surprise he got the opportunity to teach for a semester and get enough strength back in his leg to proceed his career as an officer.

They were suppose to teach two groups together so that Tom had the chance to go to physical therapy and she got to be home in time to spend some time with her son. Tactical and sniper training and the language class for Russian would be the things they would spend time and work together, while Sasha would teach Chinese and he would teach the engineering class all to themselves. She really was looking forward to meet him. Especially because she hadn't seen a picture of him and she was too curious to see this fascinating man. It could really be getting interesting with him.

* * *

Tom was sitting at his desk and stared at the timetable. He had to teach five days a week but as he was sharing two classes with Alexandra Benning his presence wasn't required the whole day. The schedule was planned that he had time to go to therapy and prepare for the tasks the students had to do.

He was looking forward to meet this Benning girl. Hearing about her at his last mission made him curious how she might be. He only knew that she was his age and could speak several languages fluently. It would make his Russian class that more interesting. With all the research he did about her, it bothered him that he couldn't find one picture of her. But he would see her in the next hour because all teachers have to attend the introduction round for the staff and eventually discuss things before the semester would start tomorrow.

* * *

Sasha got to the conference room right on time and slipped through the door without noticing the blond man in the other corner of the room. She looked around the place full of staff members and saw her friend Azima waiting for her to join her at the large table. Sasha was happy to hear that Azima wasn't send to a mission somewhere in the world but got an assignment to spend the next three months at the Academy and provide her abilities to teach students in combat and sniper training. She smiled at her friend and made her way towards her.

"Benning?" Sasha heard Admiral Johnston ask. "I want you to meet Lieutenant Commander Thomas Chandler."

Sasha turned around, stretching out her hand to greet him, an excited smile on her face but when she looked at him she froze. Her smile dropped off her face instantly and her eyes widened in shock as she recognized the man standing in front of her: He was the father of her child.

Tom had almost the same reaction to Sasha. He turned towards the woman when he saw her shocked face and realization took over. She was the one who haunted his dreams almost every night. The woman who crept under his skin and the woman he had the most incredible sex with. He gulped hard and grabbed her outstretched hand and shook it.

"Miss Benning, nice to meet you." He said to her and Sasha could see joy in his eyes. "Really nice to meet you."

"Lieutenant Commander." She replied coldly, nodding sharply.

Tom was about to say something smart when Admiral Johnston looked at his watch and announced "So I think everyone is here. Let's start this come together and we all can be out and about in no time."


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you all for your kind reviews. I'm really happy that you like this story. Unfortunately I can't post on a regular basis. This chapter is a little longer than the previous so I hope to make up to you. As it is Christmas Eve, I wish you all a wonderful christmas enjoy the holidays with your families.

* * *

Chapter 7

His smirk had vanished as soon as they sat at the table and she could feel him stare at her. But she didn't allow herself to look at him. Afraid that she would blurt out that he was the father of her son, afraid of the feelings she could see in his eyes. But now sitting here for over half an hour listening to the things Johnston had to say and knowing that the man who hold her heart was sitting only some meters away from her made her blood boil. Sudden anger swept over her. He was bloody fucking Thomas Chandler! A man with whom she has to work with for the next couple of months.

How was she supposed to work with the man who was also the father of her child? A child he didn't know of? How on earth does she tell him that their one night stand produced not only pleasure but also a little tiny human? When was the best time to reveal the truth? Should she reveal the truth about Killian? What a mess.

Sasha shook her head and glanced at him again and their eyes met. She was lost in the deep blue eyes of him. Those eyes had haunted her dreams. The last time she saw these wonderful ocean blue eyes they were staring at her while he made love to her. Love? Oh no! Not love, it was just their last coupling when he insisted that they looked in each others eyes the whole time. She tried to convince herself but failed miserably. Her body arched for him. How was she supposed to work with him when all she could think about was his body and cock? Sasha shook her head again. She couldn't do it. Working with him, knowing how he felt under her hands, knowing his body so intimately. With a last sigh and glance at him she made her decision that she'll have to ask Johnston to reschedule her classes and find another colleague to share them.

When Johnston had finished his speech and they all got dismissed Sasha stood up immediately and ran out of the room. Trying to get much needed space between Tom Chandler and herself.

* * *

She was back in his life again. He had always imagined it a little bit more romantic when he saw her after all that time but why had it to be at the Academy? "_Bloody hell_", he thought. "_She is Alexandra Benning? Sasha?_" How was he supposed to work with her when all he could think about was her gorgeous body and those beautiful blue eyes he could get lost in? He looked at her again and their eyes locked. He was lost in her beautiful blue eyes. Those eyes haunted him in his dreams. The last time he saw these eyes he was staring at her while he made love to her. Love? No, not love. It was something else. Not fucking but also not love. Something in between? But what could it be? He shook is head lightly. Glancing at her again he stood up when Johnston finished his speech and walked towards her. But to his surprise she looked scared and jumped up immediately and left the room.

"Sasha," he called out running after her. But she didn't stop. "Sasha, wait." he called again.

She stopped abruptly at the stairhead of the building and turned around with fury in her eyes. "Don't." She held up her hand. "Please don't".

"But… Sasha, can..." he stuttered. "Can we talk somewhere private?" He asked in a desperate voice and when he saw her retreating he clarified "Just talking. Please."

"I..." She said but was interrupted by a male voice.

"Sash? Hey you are early."

Tom turned his head towards the man standing at the bottom of the stairs holding a little boy in his arms. Disappointment flowed over him "_She is married and has a child. Damn_" he thought. "_Here I was to ask her out and perhaps rekindle and she has a fucking husband and a baby_" His hand wiped over his face and he took a deep breath.

Hearing his sigh Sasha turned her head from her brother to Tom. She could see disappointment and hurt on his face. She reached out to touch him but Tom took a step back and said "I'm sorry. I … I should get going. See you tomorrow." He nodded towards her and turned around and walked with fast steps towards the main building and his office.

Sasha stood in completely shock and watched Tom fleeing the scene.

"Hey, you okay, sister?" David asked her.

She came out of her thoughts and looked at him "Yeah, sure." Sasha took a deep breath and walked down the stairs and approached her son. "Hey, baby boy, have you missed me?" She asked gently. Killian smiled at her and hold up his hands.

"Mommy up." he demanded and Sasha pulled him into her arms and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"Did you enjoy daycare?" She asked him. But Killian laid his head onto her shoulder and yawned. "Seems you had a stressful day, hugh?" She chuckled a little. She turned her attention towards her brother "Thank you for picking him up."

"You're welcome. I just thought that it is easier for you and it is my last day here with him. So I picked him up a little earlier than scheduled and thought we would spend the remaining day together. Do you have time?"

"That's so nice of you. Yes, just finished our briefing and I'm free to go."

David took her hand and guided her towards the parking lot. "Hmm, Sash, who was the man you were talking to?"

"That was my new colleague Thomas Chandler. Why?" She said casually.

"I don't know. He reminded me of someone I know."

"That is unlikely." Sasha replied and hoped that he will drop the subject. She wasn't ready to talk about Tom with anybody. She just learned the name of her son's father and that she had to work with him the next couple of months. It was too much. She had to sort out things first with herself before she could talk about it with someone else.

* * *

Later that night Sasha and David sat together on the couch and enjoying the last couple of hours together.

"So, you gonna talk to me about that man?" David asked her.

She looked at him with a frown but then she could see it in his eyes that he wouldn't back down. She took a deep breath "He ..." she wasn't prepaired for telling the truth.

David knew his sister and that she struggled to tell him the truth. So he tried to 'investigate' like he did with his clients. He asked them questions and then he could see the whole thing. "You know him from before?" Sasha nodded. "Professional?" She shook her head. "So you met him somewhere else?" She nodded again. "Is he one of your one-night stands?"

Sasha looked down on her hands and whispered "Yes, he is."

David looked at her and her nervousness and then everything clicked in his mind. He knew this man because his nephew looked excactly like his father. "Bloody hell," he thought. Looking at his stressed sister he leaned forward and took her into his arms. "So this is Killian's father?" When he felt her stiffen in his arms he hold her tighter and explained "Sash, I knew he was familiar but I never met him before. But now I know why he looked familiar. Killian is the spitting image of him. I can't believe that he hasn't seen it directly. You can be happy that he hasn't found out in this way. Talk to him. He has a right to know."

Sasha broke down in that moment and tears were streming down her cheeks and she sobbed into the shoulder of her brother. After a while she said with a broken voice from all the crying "I know that I have to tell him. But I don't know how. All the time I wished I'll find him and tell him and now that he is standing right in front of me, I can't. What if he is mad at me? What if he will take Killian away from me? What if..."

"Enough, Sasha. You know that he can't take your son away from you. But he has a right to know. And from everything you told me about him all those months ago, he wasn't a bad man. And from what I saw today he seems nice. So talk to him" he demanded.

"How?"

"I don't know."

* * *

Tom was sitting in his office the next day after a restless night. He tossed and turned in his bed and thought about a raven haired woman with crystal blue eyes who is apparently married and has a son. So he went to work early to get a head start on the things he had to do in the couple of days before class began. He was so in thoughts that he didn't hear the knock on his opened door. After Sasha repeated the knocking for the third time he jumped out of his thoughts and looked at her.

"Sorry for startling you." She said.

"No, it's okay. Do come in." He replied. After she sat into one of the chairs in front of his desk he asked "So with what can I help you with?"

"Well, first of all, I wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday." She said. "Look I was a little surprised to see you after all this time and you just got me on my wrong foot."

He smiled at little at her. "No need to apologize. I was surprised to see you too. I imagined a lot about you and your profession but I never thought it would be one of an intelligence officer."

"So you thought about me?" She asked perplexed.

Tom's face changed from a normal coloring into a red one. "Well, sometimes." His fingers scratched behind his right ear and he continued "I wondered who you are and what you do for a living, you know. Knowing nothing about you made me curious."

Sasha nodded her head as if to confirm his thoughts. "I wondered too, you know." Looking on her hands again.

"You did?" He asked hopefully. Perhaps he had a chance after all. But then the child and husband came into his mind and he would never ever get in the way of a marriage.

"Yes, I did. And I never thought it would be the one of a Navy officer."

Both of them looked at one another and they burst into laughter. It broke the ice between them.

"So what have you done after that night?" Sasha asked.

"I … I went to Norfolk to catch my ship and went to a mission to the Med. After five months I came back to the States and then I was assigned to another mission in the Middle East about two months later." _And got shot and have to live with the consequences_, he thought. He wasn't ready to talk about his accident. "And you?" he asked.

"Well, I've got my assignment that day and had gone to Asia. After some months I got back only to get another assignment in the Middle East." She stopped and looked at him, biting her lower lip. "And after the job was done I head home and well… I got my boy." She whispered and looked at her hands.

"So this was your kid and husband, yesterday?"

Sasha's head sprang up "My husband?" She asked bewildered.

"Yeah, the man who interrupted our conversation. The man with the little boy."

"Oh, you mean David?" She smiled a little. "He isn't my husband, he's my brother."

"Not your husband?" Tom asked hopefully. "Your brother?"

Sasha nodded her head. "Yeah, my brother. It was his last day here in Annapolis and he helped me out with my little boy."

"So your husband isn't around that much?" Tom asked curiously. But when he saw her retreating again he said immediately "Sorry, I don't want to be so noisy. You don't have to answer such a private question."

"No, don't be." Sasha said and took a deep breath. "_Now or never,_" she thought. "There is no husband, just Killian and me…." She got interrupted.

"Ah there you are. I'm looking for you two." Admiral Johnston barked into the room absolutely oblivious of the disappointment in both of Tom's and Sasha's faces.

"_Damn._" Sasha thought.


	8. Chapter 8

For all those who have reviewed the story. Thank you so much. And some of you are asking when Sasha will tell Tom, that he is Killian's father. Well, you'll have to wait a little bit longer.

I'm sorry I haven't updated the way I wanted to. But I hope this chapter will please you. It is really long. So enjoy.

* * *

Later that day Tom was sitting in his office again and thought about Sasha and her previous behavior. He could tell that she wanted to talk to him about something important but they didn't have time for such a conversation. Hell, they never were alone after the Admiral interrupted them. And now at the end of the day she had to rush to daycare and take care of her kid. Tom sighed and wished he knew what she wanted to say._"God, why is it that I don't get her out of my head?"_ He had a lot of one night stands before and it was only about sex nothing more. But she was different then and now. He looked to the chair she occupied some hours before and ran a hand over his face. He could feel the tiredness seeping into him especially after a restless night. A night he thought that she was married and taken. But he learned that this guy was only her brother and hope rose inside of him again. But was he ready for a relationship and especially with a kid involved? He knew he wanted kids at some point but he wasn't in a relationship longer than a few months. How would it be with a woman and a kid?

* * *

Sasha was sitting on the couch watching Killian play in front of her. She cursed herself for not telling Tom that Killian was his son. Why on earth had Admiral Johnston interrupted them in that exact moment she wanted to tell him? After all it took her a lot of persuasion from her brother that morning that she went to Tom at the first place and talk to him. But now? Her bravery was melting down with each passing minute when they were interrupted.

Killian must have sensed that she was sad because he took his little bear in his hand and wobbled over to her. He stretched out his little hand and handed her his beloved bear. It was his way to say everything will be alright. Because that was her line when he was upset or just in a bad situation. He would grab his stuffed bear and hold him tight while Sasha would cradle him and trying to sooth him. She looked at him with so much love and smiled. She took him into her arms and breathed in his scent.

"Thank you, munchkin. But I think I don't need Balu. You can keep him." Killian smiled at her and laid his head onto her shoulder and rubbed over his eyes. A tell tale that he was tired. So Sasha stood up and walked over to his room to get him changed into his pajamas.

* * *

The days flew by and Sasha hasn't had an opportunity to talk to Tom about Killian. It was like all her attempts got jinx. Every time they were alone someone from the staff came in and interrupted their talk or she would chicken out at the last opportunity. At some point Sasha gave up on this topic - for now.

Fortunately she and Tom got along very well and they spent most of their professional time together. She liked working with him and he treated her with respect. When she had to get Killian earlier out of daycare he took over her class or her work and got along with it.

* * *

One day Tom was sitting in the cafeteria with some of the staffmembers and saw Sasha with Killian at her hand trying to hold onto her son's hand while balancing a tablet in her other. Tom jumped up from his seat and head over to her, grabbed her tablet and earned a smile from her. He led her over to the table he just sat at and gestured to take his seat. He then looked around to find a high chair for the boy. Sasha was so stunned that she couldn't even form a word of thanks. Shaking her head to come out of her reverie she smiled at him again and started to feed Killian while trying to eat herself.

Wolf, one of their co-workers, sat next to Killian but he stood up to let Tom sit beside him. He had a knowing look on his face when he witnessed Tom's reaction. Wolf couldn't blame him. Sasha was a gorgeous woman and would have been eventually an interest for himself. But there was a certain lady who got his attention first. And she was a hell of a woman. So he made eye contact with Azima at one point and stood up. She followed right after him and both disappeared around the next corner.

"If I wouldn't know better, they are looking for the next closet, right?" Tom asked Sasha only to break the ice after some silent minutes.

Sasha snorted and replied with sarcasm in her voice. "Oh do you? I know this woman for a long time and believe me Tom, she isn't shy to find a closet or another room to have her way with him."

"Even when it would be against regulation?"

"Especially when it would be against regulation." She pointed out. "But I know you wouldn't do this. You would stick to the regulation. Am I right?" She dared him to respond otherwise.

Tom wasn't one who would turn down a challenge, so he smirked at her. He leaned over Killian and replied in a low voice speaking near her ear "Well, I do stick to regulations, but I would skip them at all when it was with the right woman."

Sasha shivered when she felt his breath at her skin. They locked eyes and she almost took his hand and dragged him to the next closet. But her son had other things in mind. His little hand shot out and tried to grab a knife that laid in front of him. Both Sasha and Tom broke the eye contact and reached for the knife. Their hands touched and Sasha took her hand away with the feeling that she was stung. She turned to her son "Hey mister. No knives for you. You know that."

Tom gulped hard to come back to the here and now after he felt his skin prickle. _"What had he thought about telling her that she would be the right woman. Get a grip. Damn it."_ He looked at them then and cleared his throat. "What about you eat your meal before it gets cold and I'll help feeding this little sailor?"

"Thanks, that's nice of you." She said with a smile on her face.

After some minutes of silence Tom asked a little nervous "So what are you doing on Saturday?"

Sasha looked up from her plate to him with a frown "What do you mean?"

He scratched his hand behind his right ear and looked at her a little insecure "Well, I thought ... I thought we could spend some time together."

"Tom...," She took a deep breath. "I can't go out with you on a date. I can't let Killian alone..."

Tom interrupted her "...you got me wrong, Sash. I wanted to ask if we three could do something together."

She looked a him with disbelieve "You want to meet both of us?"

"Yeah, why not? I can imagine that it isn't always easy with him and parenting all the time alone. So I thought we could spent some time together and you can relax a little?"

"_I should tell him. I should tell him now."_ She thought but nothing came out.

"Sash?"

"Yeah, I would love to spent some time with you and this little sailor." She tousled Killian's hair while saying the little nickname. She liked that Tom had given him this nickname. It suited him in a way. And after all he was the son of a Navy officer...

* * *

Unfortunately they had to cancel their "date". Killian got sick in the middle of the week and Sasha wasn't sure if he would be okay by the end of the week. She hadn't come to work since then because daycare wouldn't take a sick kid and either her brother nor her parents were able to help out.

It was Friday afternoon when Tom shut his office door and went to his car. He had nothing to do except grocery shopping but instead of driving to the store next to his apartment he stood in front of Sasha's building. He didn't even realized he went to her home. Sitting in his car he even didn't know how he got there. But something didn't felt right with her not texting him back. He always got an answer when he texted her. But since early afternoon he wrote quite some messages and she didn't respond to one of them. So he was sitting in front of her building debating if he should or shouldn't go to her and look after them. His unease grow and he never acted against his gut feeling. It saved his life a lot of times. So he took a deep breath and said to himself _"Now or never, Chandler." _and got out of the car.

He was surprised to see that the reception was disengaged. So he pushed the button for the elevator and got into it. When he stepped out of the elevator he heard a baby crying. Coming nearer to Sasha's apartment the sound of the crying baby got louder. When he stood in front of her door he could hear Killian cry. He rang the bell but all he heard was a crying baby.

He knocked on the door then "Sasha? Sasha, it's me, Tom. Open the door." He shouted and knocked at the door again. But there was no sign of her. He got nervous _"What if something happened to her?"_ "Sasha! Open the door or I'll knock it down!" He shouted.

When she didn't open the door he looked for a key, but he found nothing. In his panic he tried the door knob and was totally surprised to see that the door wasn't locked. He stepped into the apartment and scanned the living room. There were no signs of a fight or something else. He went to Killian's room to look after him. He was standing is his bed his face red from crying.

"Hey, Killian. It's okay, I'm here. Come here little man." Tom said in a calming voice. The instant Tom took him out of the crib and into his arms Killian stopped crying. "Hey, shush, shush. I'm here now." He said again.

Tom felt that Killian needed a fresh diaper. It was soaked. But instead of changing him he took him with him and looked for Sasha. After searching the rest of the apartment he found her laying in her bed. He rushed to her and checked her pulse. Glad that he found her breathing, he pressed his hand against her forehead to confirm what he could already see, she was burning up. He could feel the heat rolling off her before he even touched her. It seemed that Killian had infected her too. After convincing himself that she could lay there for some more minutes he went into Killian's room and changed the diaper and clothes. Then he went back to the kitchen and filled the sipping mug for him to drink. Killian took the mug into his hands and drank hastily.

"Stop, stop. Killian. Not so hastily. Slow down. You only choke it out again".

Tom just wanted to give him something to drink and settle him down into the play pen so that he could look after Sasha but Killian's hastily drinking reminded him that this little boy might be hungry. He didn't know for how long Sasha was out. So he looked around in the kitchen and found a glass of baby food. After feeding him, Tom placed him into the play pen.

"So, I have to look after your mom, so be a good son and let me go looking." He left Killian in the living room and before he stepped into Sasha's bedroom he looked back at Killian and saw him playing with some toys babbling to the bear and giraffe. Tom had to smile. But then his gaze fell on Sasha's unconscious body. He went to her then and knelt beside her.

"Hey Sasha, wake up. Sasha" he shook her but she didn't respond to him. He looked around the room and found a fever thermometer. He took it and took her temperature in the ear. It was 104 and he knew he had to do something to get down her high fever. After some seconds he stood up again and went to the bathroom and filled the bathtub with cold water. The water was still running when he returned to her. He began undressing her and when he got to her underwear he paused and debated if it was okay to undress her completely. But then he would have to do it before the tub or after because he couldn't let her sleep in soaked and wet underwear. And it wasn't as if he hadn't seen her naked before. So he undressed her completely and took her into his arms and towards the bathroom. He lowered her carefully into the tub. Sasha's eyes flew open at the contact of the cold water and her burning skin. Tom could tell that the freezing water was a shock for her system. She tried to jump out of the tub but Tom held her in.

"Easy, Sash. I know it is unpleasant, but it's necessary. You are burning up and I need to cool your temperature down." He said in a calming voice.

Sasha looked at him and then realized that he was there trying to help her.

"Hello there." He smiled, relieved to see the blue of her eyes at last. "Hey, it's me Tom. Everything is alright. I'll take care of you and Killian."

She relaxed a little and he turned towards the sink and grabbed a bottle of water that he got from the kitchen prior and brought it to her lips. "But I need you to drink something." She took some sips and her eyes closed again and her head leaned back.

Tom tried to get her to drink more but she drifted off again. "Come on, Sash. You have to drink some more." But every time he tried to press the bottle on her lips she turned her head away.

"Sash, sweetheart, you need to drink" He pleaded with her. She was still too hot and he needed her to drink to keep her hydrated. "Please. If not for me then do it for your son, please." His pleading and blackmailing with her son helped and she took another sip from the bottle. Tom had to grin a little. "That's it. Thank you."

The next thing he did was grabbing a little cloth and soaked in the cold water and dabbed her face with it. "We have to break the fever, sweetheart. Where do you have some medicine?"

She looked at him then again and pointed to the closet over the sink. He stood up then and looked in it to find the thing he was looking for. He got the pills he needed and went over to her.

After giving her the medicine and getting her to drink a little bit more he could see that some life came back into her after a while. Suddenly she sprang up and asked in total panic "Where is Killian?"

Tom tried to calm her down. "He's in the play pen in the living room. He is fine. I gave him some baby food before I helped you and he is playing with his stuffed animals. No worry, love."

"Tom?" She asked softly, sounding surprised.

"There you are Benning." He greeted her, somewhat relieved.

"What are you ..." She trailed off, looking around in confusion.

"...doing here?" he finished for her. "I figured out that you were in some trouble so I stopped by and found you with a high fever. I'm here to help you and Killian. So be a good patient and stay a little while longer in the tub to get down your fever."

"M'kay." she replied and she relaxed again.

After some time he took her temperature again and he was glad that the fever finally broke. He laid some towels on the floor and scooped her out of the tub and laid her down on them. He patted her dry before wrapping her up in them and carried her to her bedroom and sitting her on a nearby chair. Tom began to change her soaked bedclothes. After the task was done he went to the next drawer and looked for underwear and pajamas. After he found them he went back to her and began to unwrap her.

"What are you doing?" She asked in horror.

"Well, I'm getting you changed out of the wet towels and into new clothes." he said matter-of-factly.

"Oh no, you're not doing this." she said firmly. "I'm naked"

"I know, sweetheart. But it isn't the first time I get to see you naked. So let me help you out of the wet things and back to bed. You need to rest."

"But..." she tried to argue.

"No buts, Sasha!"

Sasha knew when she had to retrieve and let him do the work. She climbed willingly into her bed and when her head sunk on her pillow, she closed her eyes immediately.

"Sleep, love" Tom told her with a loving tone and stroke over her hair. When he thought she was sleeping he turned around to look after Killian, but Sasha's hand shot out and grabbed his.

"Thank you, Tom." She whispered and fall into a much needed sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: I'm so sorry for not updating the fic. And I apologies in advance that this update is short. I hope you had a nice easter although we are all in lockdown.

* * *

Tom got out of Sasha's bedroom and walked over to Killian. He was playing with his toys again but as soon as he spotted Tom he stood up and held up his arms at him. Tom got the hint and took him into his arms and nuzzled his nose into his hair.

"So what are we doing now?" He asked Killian. "Let's see if your mom has something to eat for you and me." He walked into the kitchen, still holding Killian in his arms and looked around to find something to eat. After closing the fridge and the cupboards Tom chuckled a little at the lack of food. It seemed that Sasha was as lousy as he when it came to cooking and fresh ingredients. Tom loved to cook but he hadn't much time to do the shopping and cooking under the week. He looked at Killian again and asked. "So, what do you think about we go to the grocery store and get something to eat?" He wasn't waiting for a reply and headed out the door after grabbing Sasha's keys.

* * *

The next time Sasha woke up she looked confused around the room. She was feeling better than the last time she woke up but something was different. Images of Tom helping her in the bathroom and later helping her to get dressed flooded her thoughts. She looked down on her body to discover that her clothes had been changed again. That meant that Tom had undressed her again and saw her naked – again. She felt a little embarrassed about it. That was not her imagination when she dreamed about their reunion. She shook her head. Reunion. "_Get a grip, Benning, he will never want to be with you again. It was a one-night stand, nothing more. And when he will find out that you lied to him all the time and learns who Killian really is, he will run and never come back to you._" She sighed and turned on her side._ "How on earth can I tell him that he is Killian's father? After all this time?"_ Tears were shining in her eyes and she cried into her pillow until she fell into sleep again.

* * *

The next day Sasha woke up with her heart racing. She remained still in bed and tried to remember what had startled her in the first place. When she heard nothing at all she began relaxing a little. But then she heard her son crying. She shot out of her bed and jumped to the door when she realized that he wasn't crying at all but giggling. She opened her door slowly and looked around the wall into the living room.

The sight warmed her heart. Tom sat on the sofa with Killian in his arms and made goofy faces for her son. Killian laughed at each of the faces his father made and sometimes touched his cheeks with his little hands. When Tom didn't continue with this play her son made a noise which could be interpreted as "again". So Tom made a silly face and Killian giggled again. His little head rolled from one side to the other and at some point he spotted his mother. "Mama" he cried out and held his arms towards her.

Tom's head spun around to look at Sasha. "Hey, look who joined the living again." he said teasingly and stood up. As soon as Killian was near his mother he leaned towards her and Sasha took him lovingly into her open arms.

"Hey, you." She whispered into his hair and then looked up to Tom and said. "Sorry for you inconvenience to take care of him." As soon as the words were out of her mouth she wished she could take them back. His face was so much of joy but after the words sunk in, it fell immediately into a hurt expression. But as fast as it fell his walls came back up and he shrugged his shoulders.

"It wasn't an inconvenience. It was the right thing to do, Sasha. You and this little fella needed someone to take care of you and it happened to be me. So ..."

Sasha couldn't handle the situation and the meaning of his words in the correct way and lashed out at him without thinking "… yeah thank you, Tom. I really appreciate it. But I have taken enough of your time away from you. So I'll let you of the leash and you can enjoy the rest of the lost weekend the way you'd planed."

* * *

Lying in the warm tub Tom relaxed his arching back. Sleeping on a too small couch for two days has been taking his toll. But nothing in the world would have drag him out of the flat and the boy and woman he came to like a lot, except the woman herself. Her words hurt him a lot and he wasn't willing to let her see it. So after the words were spoken his walls came back up and he blinked at her. Seeing her determination of throwing him out, he let out a deep breath and looked to the little boy in her arms. Seeing him in the arms of his mother he wished not for the first time that Killian was his son. Then he wouldn't have to do what he was doing. Retreating back to the couch gathering his belongings and walking out of the door without a word.

Sitting now in the tub tears were streaming down his cheeks. "W_hy on earth does it hurt so much?_" he asked himself, but deep down he knew the answer and his inner devil replied for him. "_You love her and Killian._" And this thought scared him a lot. It was ridiculous. He was a one-night stand guy.

"_And why haven't you slept with another woman since the night you slept with her?"_ His inner devil asked him.

"Because there was no opportunity." He said out loud.

His inner devil snorted "_No opportunity. There were a lot of opportunities if you were interested. But you only have eyes for Sasha and no other woman."_

"That's not true." he protested.

"_Not true?! And what about the girl in the bar last week? She couldn't get her eyes and hands off you, but you turned her down? And the woman in the grocery store? Or the other chicks who gave you their numbers? What about them?"_

"It didn't feel right."

"_It didn't feel right? It didn't feel right? Then tell me does it feel right to spent time with Sasha?_"

"Yeah it does." he whispered to the empty room.

"_Then admit that you love her._"

"Oh shut up."

* * *

Lying in bed Sasha groaned about the things she had done today. Thinking back how the day started she was ashamed of what she had done: She hurt the man she cared a lot in the amount of minutes after she woke up. The sight of him so happy and interacting with his son brought an amount of guilt into her conscience and she lashed out at him. Knowing it was the wrong thing to do, knowing that she would hurt him. But how on earth could she spent the day with him and not telling him the truth? She wanted to do so but she couldn't see how. It was too late for that. He would hate her and leave the moment he found out. She was sure of that. How could she ever tell her son the truth about the fact that she pushed his father away, that he grow up without him?


	10. Chapter 10

AN: So after not writing for weeks, this chapter flew out of my hand and I had to post it. Hope you enjoy it...

* * *

After turning and tossing the whole night Sasha stood up in the early morning hours and started her day with her usual routine. While she stood by the coffee machine she looked around in the kitchen and saw Tom's wallet. She hesitated first to grab it but she was too curious to not look inside. There were some pictures that got her interest.

First she saw an elderly couple smiling at the photographer. She could see that Tom had his chin and eyes from his father but his charming smile from his mother. Both look so happy and relaxed and it seemed they were nice people.

The second picture let her gasp out loud. It was taken some weeks ago at the little bistro on the campus she and the other colleagues frequently visit. Killian was standing on her lap facing away from her and both of them were laughing at something Wolf had said or done. She couldn't remember when Tom had taken the photo but tears were pooling in her eyes when she got the impact of him having a photo of her and his son in his wallet. Can it possible be true that he felt something for her and Killian? Perhaps it wasn't too late for them?She asked herself. But then her hope was smashed in the next instant.

The third and last picture she looked at displayed Tom and a very beautiful blond haired woman who smacked her lips at his cheek while Tom laughed in the camera. He looked so relaxed and happy._ It's too late,_ she thought and the tears that pooled in her eyes before came back in an instant and rolled down her cheeks.

* * *

The week was almost over and neither of them spoke to the other if not necessary. The returning of his wallet was awkward and being in class with him was deranged. But they managed somehow. She new, she had to talk to him but was so afraid to let him in again. It would hurt too much, when he would get back to his girlfriend and leaving her behind.

Sasha went to the kindergarten to collect her son. Sasha could tell that Killian was a little disturbed by not seeing Tom, but she couldn't afford to let him get attached to him. It would break his little heart when Tom would choose to turn around and never looking back at them.

After she put his shoes and jacket on, Sasha made her way out to the main building. When she heard some shouting she looked up and saw the blond woman from the picture running towards Tom. When she was in arm's length he grabbed her at her waist and spun her around while she continued laughing and telling him to let her down. Tom's parents walked to the two of them and greeted their son in a lovingly hug, but the woman never let go of him. Sasha felt a pang of jealousy and regret while watching on and when the hurt got more she turned around and wanted to be as far away as she could. But in that moment Killian saw his father and cried out loud "'om, 'om,'om" and wiggled his way out of her arms.

Before Sasha could do anything, Killian run towards Tom and continued calling his name. At the first "'om" Tom turned his head towards the little boy and smiled. He let go of the woman beside him and went towards Killian. Looking down, Tom smiled at his laughing son who ran towards him at full speed. He caught him and lifted him into the air while Killian laughed the whole time.

"Did you miss me?" Tom asked and when Killian nodded his head he continued "Because I missed you." And put a little kiss onto his forehead and settled him onto his hip. Killian smiled and while locking his arms around Tom's neck he leaned his head against his shoulder. Neither of them noticed the many observers they had.

Sasha was in shock at first but then she moved forward to take her son out of Tom's arms and leave as soon and as fast as she could. But when Tom's mother cleared her throat Tom came out of the bubble and reminded himself that he wasn't alone with Killian in his arms. He looked at the questioning face of his father and the shocking face of his mother. He noticed movement from the side and turned towards Sasha. Before he could talk to her she beat him to it.

"I'm so sorry." She said to them all. "I don't want to disturb you and your family." And then she turned towards Killian and stretched out her arms "Killian, you can't run away from me like this. Come on, Tom has company and you'll trouble them."

Killian's grip around Tom's neck got more tight and he nuzzled his face in the crock of his neck. "Don't want, don't want" He managed to say while tears run down his face.

The sight of her crying son almost broke her heart. She sighed and began rubbing his back in soothing patterns "I know you don't want to let go. But sweaty we have to go now. You can see Tom in three days..."

"You don't disturb us at all." Caroline Chandler interrupted. "I'm Caroline." She said and stretched out her hand towards Sasha.

Sasha looked a little distressed but then shook her hand and smiled at her "I'm Sasha and this" she looked at her son "this is my son Killian." When she said her name, Caroline's head turned to her son and you could see that she put one-to-one together. Seeing that her son was not being able to react she continued

"It's so nice to meet you, Sasha. We heard a lot of you and your little sunshine here." Hearing this Sasha turned her head towards Tom and he looked embarrassed. "We had less traffic than expected so we came a little too early and we wanted to get some lunch at the little bistro over there." She pointed to the bistro Tom and Sasha sat often together. "Do you mind joining us?"

Sasha looked at Caroline then at Tom's father and the other woman, uncertain what to say and then turned her attention towards both of her men. The sight of her son leaning against Tom's shoulder and the hopeful look on Tom's face was answer enough. She nodded her head and confirmed "If we are really no trouble to you then yes."

"That's wonderful." Caroline said and then remembered the other two family members. "Oh, were are my manners?" She asked and then introduced the others to Sasha. "Well, this is my husband and Tom's father Jed and this young lady is my daughter Charlotte."

"_Charlotte? OMG she's Tom's sister and not lover."_ Sasha thought and Caroline could see her relief and smiled at herself, knowing exactly what Sasha meant to Tom and he meant to her. But what she couldn't put right together was this little boy who looked exactly the way his father did when he was his age and why her son never told her, that she was a grandmother.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Hi there, sorry for not updating on a regular basis. But I do hope that some of you are still here and enjoy it nonetheless. This time we see more of Caroline and Jed. As we all know how Jed looks like in the series, we haven't seen a picture of Tom's mother. So I picture her as the actress who played Caroline Shepard in Grey's Anatomy, Tyne Daly. I always loved the way Caroline Shepard cared about Mark Sloan

* * *

They headed to the bistro in silence, except for Killian. He was still settled on Tom's arm and hip and chatted away in his own words. Every now and then he would turn to his mother to see, if she was still there, but otherwise clung to Tom.

After getting a nice table at the far end of the room and settling Killian into a highchair, Tom and his father went to the counter and made their requests which let Caroline alone with Sasha and Killian after Charlie excused herself to the restrooms.

"So, Sasha," Caroline began "tell me, how old is this precious little man?" She gestured to Killian and stroke her palm over his head. He looked up at her instantly and smiled from one ear to the other. Oh how much she loved that smile.

"He …. he's almost two, mam" Sasha answered.

"Oh dear. It's Caroline." She corrected her and then "almost two? Well, Sasha, I don't know what your relationship with Tom is, but I'm totally aware that this young guy is his son. So don't play me." She said sternly.

Sasha looked shocked at her bluntly approach and panic settled inside of her. She looked around the room to see where Tom is and if she is safe to answer. But when she opened her mouth to say something, nothing came out.

Caroline saw the deer in the headlights expression on Sasha's face and the panic rising inside her when she looked at Tom and she knew in that moment, that Tom didn't know about his son. "Sasha?" she asked and then more demanding "Sasha, please talk to me. Does Tom know he's Killian's father?"

Sasha could only shake her head and looked down on her hands.

"Then why didn't you tell him? He is head over heals in love with you."

Sasha's head spun up and she looked at Caroline with wide and disbelieving eyes. "How…" she cleared her throat, "I mean, how … do you know?"

"Well, I don't think it is my job to tell you, but you are always on his thoughts when we talk on the phone. And I know my son well. So why didn't you tell him?"

"I was afraid." Sasha whispered and when she spotted Charlotte making her way back to the table she asked "Can we talk later?"

Caroline got immediately the situation and seeing the boys coming back with their orders she nodded her head.

Sasha was glad that either the men nor Charlotte figured out what she and Caroline were talking about. So she relaxed a little and focused her attention towards her son. He was such a nice boy and everyone hold and played with him until he fell asleep in Tom's arms hours after they entered the bistro.

* * *

Sasha paced her little apartment nervously. She told Caroline her address and now she was waiting for her to finish the talk they started yesterday. She really liked Caroline but she now know where Tom got his pressing curiosity. Although she knew Caroline will be there any minute she jumped a little at the knock at the door. Rushing over she opened it and let Caroline in and led her towards the sofa.

"Do you want something to drink?Ice tea? Or something other?" she asked her.

"Ice tea would be nice. Thank you." Caroline replied and looked around the flat. There were some pictures of Sasha's family and Killian of course. But one picture interested her the most. Tom was holding Killian in his arm, while Sasha was on the other side of Killian. It was a lovely picture of a little family together. This thought brought her back to the topic why she was here in the first place. She turned around and looked at Sasha when Sasha began to talk "It was taken some weeks ago at the place of a friend of us. I couldn't resist to not printing it out and put it up here."

Caroline smiled at her "It is a lovely picture."

They were silent for some time but when the silence got uncomfortable Sasha looked at her and let out a deep breath. It was time to talk.

"So, why didn't you tell my son he has a son as well?" Caroline asked.

Taking a deep breath again Sasha explained everything to Caroline how they met, the day she found out being pregnant from a one-night stand to the birth of Killian. Trying to find Tom but failing miserably and after getting to the conclusion she wouldn't find him and accepting the fact that she would raise Killian without a father. Only to be surprised by seeing Tom again at the Academy some months ago. When she ended her story she looked down at her hands somehow ashamed of all this.

"Sasha," Caroline said in a tentative way and when she got Sasha's attention she continued "Thank you for telling me this. I really appreciate your honesty. I really do. But why haven't you told him about Killian?"

"Like I said, I was afraid of his reaction. There I was staring right at the father of my son, who I tried to find for months and when he was standing in front of me, I couldn't say anything. I ran out of the room the moment I could escape. And when we got along after some days and how easy he got on the good side of Killian, I was terrified to say anything. I think I was afraid loosing him again when he knew that Killian is his son."

"But Sasha, don't you see that he loves your son although he doesn't know that he is his own flesh and blood? He cares for him and for you very much. And after all I heard from you today, I do believe that you care as much about him as he does for you."

Sasha blushed a little at this and answered "Yeah, I do care about him, you know."

Caroline smiled and then took Sasha by surprise when she said "I do believe that you not only care about him but that you love him. Am I right?"

Sasha looked at her in panic "What?" She asked and then when the words sunk in she shook her head "No, no, I don't love him, I just like him."

At this Caroline let out a loud laugh and shook her head back "Oh Sasha, I might be an old lady but I'm not **that **old. I can see the way you look at each other especially when one of you think the other doesn't see it. There is love all over your face and his face."

Sasha was about to answer her no, but Killian took that moment to cry out in his room. Sasha went to look after her son and after some minutes the apartment was quiet again.

Coming back into the living room she sat on the sofa again. Caroline took her hand in hers and squeezed it. Looking up into her eyes Sasha saw empathy and a warm look. "Sasha, thank you for being so honest about Killian and please talk to Tom as soon as possible. Knowing my son he doesn't like to be left in the dark and being lied to him. It all will make it worse when you wait too long."

Sasha nodded her head. "I know. But I don't know how to tell him….. After all that time…."

"You have to find a way, Sasha. Otherwise you will loose him."

"I know" Sasha whispered. Clearing her throat she begged. "Please don't tell him anything about what I said. It is my task to do that."

"Of course. But don't wait too long, otherwise I have to tell him. I can't wait too long for that."

With that said the two women said their goodbyes and Sasha was left alone with her thoughts.

* * *

At the same time at Tom's apartment he and his father sat together and watched a football match on TV while Charlotte sat in the chair and read a book. After some time Jed looked at his son and asked hesitantly "So, this Sasha girl ..." he trailed off. "Is she … ähm … is she the girl who turned your head two years ago before your deployment?"

Tom turned his eyes from the TV towards his father. "Ahm … yes, it's her. But she didn't turn my head. She is just the girl who I spent the night with. Nothing more."

"Whatever you say, son."

"What is that suppose to mean?" Tom raised his voice.

"Nothing." Jed said nonchalantly and when he saw Tom's face hardened he continued with a chuckle "Ah, Tom I may be an old man but not that old. You are head over heals in love with this girl."

Shock was the first emotion Tom felt but then he couldn't deny it longer to himself and others. He was in love with Sasha. Perhaps since that fateful night they spent together. He looked at his father then at his sister who stopped reading and eagerly listening to the conversation in front of her. And then back at his father. He took a deep breath and asked "Is it that obvious?"

This time Jed didn't hold back his laugh. "Oh my boy, it is definitely obvious for your family. You talked about her from day one and you never stopped talking about her or Killian on the phone. We knew she was something special to you. You never treated your girls the way you treat her and so we figured it out a long time ago. And after seeing her and your son it is damn obvious."

Tom frowned at the term your son and instantly corrected his father "You mean Sasha and her son. Not my son."

This time Jed frowned at his denial. "What do you mean? "

"Well, you said after seeing her and your son it would be damn obvious. But Killian isn't my son." He said and whispered "even though I hope he would be."

Tom thought he had whispered his confession but Jed had heard it nonetheless. He put his hand on Tom's leg and looked him in the eyes "Tom, I don't know why you deny it, but Killian **is** your son."

Tom looked shocked and sceptical at his father and shook his head. "Oh no, no, no. He isn't." When he saw the sincerity of his father's eyes doubt crept into his thoughts. "You … you think he might be mine?"

This time Jed nodded his head "Oh yes I do, son. He looks exactly like you in that age and your mum is currently at Sasha's to get an explanation."

Anger crept into him "Mum is at her place to talk about that Killian might be my son?"

"Not might, Tom. Sasha confirmed that he is yours at the Cafè after Caroline confronted her. Hasn't she talked to you about it?" Jed asked and got the feeling that he messed everything up.

"No, nobody bloody talked to me." Tom shouted and stood up. Not being able to stand still he paced in the room while he ranted away "Why hasn't Sasha told me about it? I've been here over six months and she never ever told me anything about it. How could she not telling me? I have a right to know."

Seeing his mistake by telling his son, Jed tried to calm him down. "Son, you have to ask her yourself. But please don't forget she had her reasons why she didn't tell you."

Tom looked hurt and angry at his father then walked towards the door and grabbed his keys determined to get to know the truth.

All Jed and Charlotte could do was telling Caroline on the phone that Tom was on his way to Sasha and that he was furious.


	12. Chapter 12

Tom was furious. How could she not telling him that he had a son? How on earth didn't he see for himself that Killian looked like him? He shook his head. She had to have a reason why she lied to him. So when he would see her and ask her if it is true he had to give her credit and explain her reasons to him.

All the good intentions for letting her explain why she kept this huge information from him went to the wind when she opened the door and looked at him with guilt written all over her face.

"Is it true?" he blurted out.

Sasha quickly took a step back. "What are you talking about?" She asked.

Tom shook his head and glared at her darkly. "Cut the crap, you know damn well what I'm talking about."

Sasha gasped and her heart was hammering in her chest. "Who… who told you? Your mother?" she stuttered, unable to look at him, unable to believe that Caroline went straight to her son and told him.

"SO IT'S TRUE?!" He shouted, getting even angrier.

Sasha winced and looked up at him. "DON'T shout at me, alright?" She shot back quickly losing her temper. "I don't even know what you heard!"

"My father just told me, that Killian looks exact the same way like me when I was his age. So is it true? Is Killian my son?" He demanded to know.

Sasha looked up at his face again, her whole body shaking. There was no backing out this time. "Yes, he is." she whispered.

Tom swallowed hard, his eyes filled with anger and hurt. "How could…" He took a shaky breath, trying as hard as he could to stay in control but failed. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!" He cried out, pain and outrage filling his voice. He waited for her to answer him. "SAY SOMETHING!"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY!" She shouted back as tears ran down her face. "YES, he's your son! YES, I kept him from you by not telling you! YES, I made a huge mistake!"

He started pacing, his hands closed in fists. "Were you planning on telling me?" he asked her, unable to look at her.

"Yes, I was. I wanted to tell you but I didn't know your name at first and when I saw you all those months ago, I … I ." She couldn't continue. Not now but she had to. So she took a deep breath and continued. "I was too scared. Scared to loose you, scared you would turn your back on me, on him. So a week turned into months… ."

He stopped pacing and glared at her, his blue eyes dark with anger and pain. "So, because you were scared, I had to find out from someone else?" He shook his head in disbelief. "If my parents hadn't come visiting me, I never would have found out."

"That's not true." She shook her head and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I was planning on telling you."

"Yeah right. You were planning on telling me. When Sasha? When he needs blood in an emergency? When he is old enough to look for his father and accuse him of abandonment?" he threw at her icily, his voice filled with venom.

She stayed quiet, realizing what a huge mistake she had made by not telling him sooner.

He looked at her again and when she didn't answer him he pointed a finger at her and announced "You are not getting him for yourself."

"What?!"

He took a few steps towards her. "You can't take him away from me! He is my son!"

"HE'S MY SON!" She threw back, her voice shaking. "I'M his mother, he will live with me." She took a deep breath. "I don't know how we are going to do it, but I'll promise we'll make things work."

Tom pressed his lips together into a thin line and took a step back. "You know what? It doesn't matter what you think we can do or not. You had your chance telling me the truth for months now. I'll take matters in my own hands."

Sasha watched him as he turned and went out of the door. His harsh words hurt like hell and she collapsed on the floor. Tears were streaming down her face and the impact of his words let to a breakdown. She couldn't think straight any more. All she could think about was making sure her son was safe. She had difficulties to breath and from somewhere arms came around her torso and held her while she cried. Sasha didn't know who was holding her but it felt good. After a while she heard voices "Come on girl, breath. Just breath, in and out. You'll be fine." Sasha concentrated on the voice and the man it belonged to and her breathing became steadier. She became more aware of her surroundings and when she heard her son crying she tried to jump up and go to him. But the arms who was holding her tightened again "Caroline is dealing with Killian, sweetie. He'll be fine. Just breath Sasha and calm down." She managed to look at him then and realised that Jed Chandler was holding and helping her.

After a while Sasha and Killian calmed down and she took her son into her arms again. While brushing her nose over his head she inhaled the sweet scent of him and led out a breath. Her baby was safe in her arms and nobody will harm him.

Seeing her calming down, Jed laid a hand on her arm and tried to get her attention "Sasha, I'm so sorry for telling Tom about Killian. I … I never had the intention to do it, but suddenly I blurted it out and … I'm so sorry."

"So I take it, that Tom talked to you?" Caroline asked.

Sasha nodded her head "Yeah, he was here."

"How did he take it?"

"Not well. He was angry… Hell, he was completely furious." She sighed sadly. "I can't blame him."

"Are you two going to talk about it?"

"I tried, but he was too furious to reason with him. He even threatened to take Killian away from me." Her voice broke again and Sasha hold he son even tighter than before. Even the thought of loosing him frightened her to her bones.

"Oh dear lord." Caroline sighed. And then she turned to her husband. "This is all your fault, Jed. I told you not to say anything to Tom! And what did you do? Blurting it out. You know damn well how he reacts when he is left in the dark."

"I can't risk loosing my son." Sasha whispered not paying attention to the conversation around her.

"And you won't loose him, dear." Caroline said gently and wrapped an arm around her. "Please, keep trying to talk to Tom and everything will sort out."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Tom is one of the most stubborn men I've ever known. He comes right after his father by the way. But I also know he would never turn his back on something this important. He'll come around, trust me."

* * *

Tom groaned and pushed himself off the couch, realizing that the person knocking at the door just wouldn't go away. He walked up to the entrance and peeked through the peep hole, sighing when he saw who was standing on the other side. "What a surprise…" he muttered under his breath and opened the door. "What do you want." He grumbled.

"I can't believe you threatened Sasha to take her son away." Caroline told him, her voice filled with disappointment.

"This is none of your business." Tom said with anger.

"It **is** my business. Sasha and Killian are part of the family."

Tom huffed and shut the door "How long did you know?"

"I had no idea till I saw Killian at the Academy. He looks so much like you, Tom. How on earth didn't you see it for yourself?"

Tom laughed bitterly "How on earth** I **didn't see that this beautiful boy is my son? I have no idea." he said disheartened.

Caroline came to him then and took her heartbroken son into her arms. "Come here and sit down." She guided him to the couch he occupied some minutes ago. "You have to talk to her, Tom. And don't threaten her to take away her son."

"SHE KEPT MY SON FROM ME!" He barked at her. His anger now on full blown.

"Yes, she did! Sasha knows she made a huge mistake by keeping him a secret." Caroline told him "She feels horrible about what she did."

"It doesn't change what she did."

Caroline nodded her head and sighed. "You're right. But she's trying to make things right. She finally told you the truth. Something she was afraid about for a long time."

"What was she afraid of? Or should I ask whom she was afraid or?" He led out a small sigh. "She must have thought I'd be a horrible father if she was **that** afraid of telling me." He grumbled.

"You have to ask her yourself, because I can't answer that for her." Caroline told him."But what I know is, that you would make a great father." She held out her hand to stop him from answering her "And you are doing great, Tom. From what I could see the last days you act like Killian's father. And now you know for sure that he is your own flesh and blood."

"Whatever."

"Killian is a great kid, Tom. And he needs you in his life… as much as you need him." She added with a soft voice

Tom let out a long breath and let himself fall on the couch. He leaned his head back and massaged his temples with his fingers "This is completely fucked up." He mumbled too tired to keep fighting.

Caroline grinned knowing she had him at the exact position she wanted him in. "Life would be boring if everything was made to be simple."


End file.
